How to Tell the Difference Between Discernment and Avoidance on Your Healing Journey

Healing is a journey, and let’s be real. It’s not always a straight path. Along the way, we face all kinds of emotions, choices, and situations that challenge us. Two things that often pop up—and can feel confusing—are discernment and avoidance. On the surface, they may seem similar, but they lead to very different outcomes.

In this post, we’ll break down the difference, share some real-life examples, and give reflective questions to help you make choices rooted in clarity, growth, and emotional well-being.

Discernment vs. Avoidance: What’s the Difference?

Discernment

Discernment is all about being intentional and thoughtful. It’s checking in with yourself, understanding your feelings, and making choices that honor your emotional needs and boundaries.

For example:

• You choose to step back from a heated conversation to process your emotions, rather than react impulsively.

• You say no to a commitment that doesn’t serve your energy, while still expressing kindness and respect.

Avoidance

Avoidance, on the other hand, is sidestepping uncomfortable feelings or situations. It may bring temporary relief, but it keeps underlying issues unresolved and slows down personal growth.

For example:

• Ignoring a recurring conflict instead of addressing it thoughtfully.

• Distracting yourself with work, social media, or busyness to avoid processing difficult emotions.

Where They Can Look Alike

Setting Boundaries

• Discernment: Boundaries are set intentionally, with awareness and communication.

• Avoidance: Boundaries are set to escape discomfort without addressing underlying issues.

Recognizing Triggers

• Discernment: Triggers are acknowledged, understood, and used as opportunities for growth.

• Avoidance: Triggers are ignored or suppressed, providing short-term relief but no real progress.

Facing Difficult Emotions

• Discernment: You allow yourself to feel, process, and learn—even when uncomfortable.

• Avoidance: You numb or distract yourself, keeping true healing at bay.

Benefits of Practicing Discernment

When we lean into discernment instead of avoidance, we unlock:

• Emotional clarity: You understand your feelings and responses better.

• Healthier boundaries: You protect your energy without guilt.

• Reduced overthinking and anxiety: You stop spinning in avoidance loops.

• Strengthened self-trust: Making intentional choices builds confidence in yourself.

Signs You Might Be Avoiding

• Feeling constant relief after making decisions without fully processing them

• Repeating patterns of “busy-ness” or distraction when emotions arise

• Avoiding conversations or situations that make you uncomfortable

• A sense of stagnation in growth or personal development

Reflective Questions to Guide Your Choices

• Am I avoiding this out of fear or discomfort?

• Are my boundaries rooted in self-care or avoidance?

• Am I leaning into triggers as chances to grow, or sidestepping them?

• How do I feel afterward—relieved or genuinely at ease?

Journaling your answers can reveal patterns and help guide more intentional, discerning decisions.

Wrapping It Up

The key takeaway? Discernment moves you forward. Avoidance keeps you stuck. By noticing patterns, asking reflective questions, and making choices with intention, you can navigate your healing journey with clarity, self-awareness, and authenticity.

Support Your Healing Journey

For a deeper dive into self-reflection and uncovering patterns, our Shadow Work Journals are the perfect companions. They guide you through thoughtful prompts and exercises to help you make choices rooted in clarity, growth, and self-awareness.

Want More Guidance on Discernment?

Check out The Art of Discernment for more insights on practicing intentional decision-making, recognizing your inner wisdom, and navigating life with clarity and confidence.